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Everybody’s Tuppence Worth by A M Smith
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He said: C’mon, Cynthia – I’ve gotta condom. She said: Darren ... you promise? We said: If only Cynthia would find herself a decent boyfriend! They said: Did you hear Cynthia Jenkins is going out with that Darren Baroda?
He said: But we used a condom! She said: Well it didn’t work, did it? We said: Cynthia – you don’t have to get married, we’ll stand by you. They said: The Jenkins are heartbroken. Cynthia has to get married, and to that no-good Darren Baroda!
He said: Doesn’t that kid ever stop screaming? I’m not up for this! She said: It’s not my fault – he’s a colicky baby. We said: Aww ... who’s Nanna and Gramps’ precious? They said: Darren Baroda must have shares in the pub by now ...
He said: Sorry, Cynthia, this isn’t working; I’m off to London – I’ll phone you. She said: Get out you useless lowlife-drunk – who needs you? We said: What a relief! We’ve sorted out your old bedroom, Cynthia, plenty of room for you and little Wesley. They said: Such a shame: Darren Baroda left Cynthia in the lurch, and with such a difficult baby, too.
He said: Thought I’d give you a quick buzz; I’m off to Australia next week, gotta job with a mate of mine. Wish Wesley happy birthday for me, will ya? She said: I hope a kangaroo kicks you to death! We said: Cynthia, this can’t go on; Wesley’s a big boy now and he should know he mustn’t hurt poor old Kitty like that. They said: Wesley Baroda’s a nasty piece of work – and only 7 years old.
He said: Thought I’d just check in – I’m back in London. Wesley’s birthday today – 13 isn’t he? Oh – sorry – I meant 12. She said: Drop dead. We said: Cynthia, unless you do something about Wesley’s’ temper tantrums, take him to the psychologist, you know it isn’t natural; if you don’t, we’re really sorry, but you’ll have to leave. They said: Wesley Baroda’s seriously bad news; been spoilt by his grandparents, of course.
He said: No, nothing to do with me – no I don’t know Wesley Baroda; yes, it is an unusual surname, just a coincidence – I told you I don’t know him from a bar of soap; now bugger off and stop pestering me! She said: I can’t – he couldn’t have – not Wesley – he loved his Nanna and Gramps – no-no-no-I can’t believe it – all that blood – surely he couldn’t have... aaahhhhhhhh We said: ... They said: Absolutely shocking! that boy’s a monster – pity they dropped the death penalty.
He said: Time for me to change my name and do my disappearing trick. She said: I’m not eating that. I want to die. We said: ... They said: We blame the education system and all those single mothers. Suppose two life sentences gets some justice for the Jenkins. By the way, did you hear about the axe murder in Lambeth? |
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Second Place: Perfect Day Third Place: A Couple of Plastic Clothes Pegs |
